Is the sex education students receive in high school sufficient? Life Orientation provides learners with the basic facts on sexual intercourse and the ability to differentiate between long and short-term goals, but are students coming to university confident in their bodily knowledge, possessing a positive outlook on sex?
Shannon Welgemoed (22), a final year Psychology and Philosophy student, suggests otherwise. Welgemoed has taken the initiative to start a series of talks, workshops and open discussions in an effort to bring conversations and resources about sex, ‘kink’, and relationships to Stellenbosch.
Discussions happen every second week and are currently limited to around 20 people per discourse. The next workshop will take place near the end of March 2019 and will focus on ethical non-monogamy.
“I have always been of the opinion that people should be able to do what they want with their bodies whether that’s exploring, showing off or trying new things. I think any enjoyable activity between two consenting adults is great, or more than two,” says Welgemoed.
Stellenbosch student practicing her rope work. Rope work is a form of bondage which falls under the umbrella of kink. PHOTO: Shannon Welgemoed
Welgemoed defines ‘kink’ as “all unconventional sexual activities as well as those same activities when devoid of sex.”
She defines unconventional kink as anything excluding the societal definition of sex.
“So anything apart from oral or penetration. It encompasses BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission & Sadomasochism) and all fetishes as well. It refers to someone getting satisfaction either sexual or non-sexual from things normally considered unconventional or out of the norm.”
As an involved member of the Cape Town kink scene, Welgemoed saw an increase in visible representation post Fifty Shades of Grey.
“We had more people coming into the kink scene with very big misconceptions about what ‘kink’ was and also no idea of what they were doing. So we had a lot of incidences where people would just do things that were completely inappropriate, ” she says.
Event goer, Jana, speaks of her experience as a member of the ‘kink’ community in Stellenbosch saying, “Stellenbosch to me is very judgmental when it comes to kink and I’ve been kink shamed several times in the two years I’ve lived here.” She goes on to say: “It was lovely being in an environment where I could express myself in a way that unfortunately is not widely accepted.”
Armand, another event attendee shares in Jana’s views saying, “As with most things that are shamed by the community, attending one of these can be a bit daunting for most and making that first attempt is difficult but once you get to the venue and see the warm greeting you receive and the acceptance of everyone it just fades away.”
Welgemoed says the aim of her talks is twofold. Firstly, to create a space for open and honest dialogue about everything that is either societally defined as taboo or censored. Some examples she includes are sex, sexuality, gender orientation, consent, negotiation and ‘kink’. Secondly, she wants to create a space where people can come with questions and not only find answers, but various other sources of information in order to form their own opinions.
To get more information about ‘kink’ or receive notifications on future events, email Shannon at shannonwelgemoed5@gmail.com.