Same Love founder on a mission to prove love wins

Sasha-Lee Heekes and her partner, Megan Watling, were denied the opportunity to host their fairy-tale wedding at Beloftebos Wedding Venue in Stanford, based on their sexual orientation. Rachele Button spoke to Heekes about the couple’s campaign, Same Love which aims to challenge unfair discrimination, raise funds for their legal case and to prove that love wins.  

Sasha-Lee Heekes’ is known for her warm smile and bubbly demeanour. However, hiding behind her endearing character are feelings of shame and stories of discrimination that are unimaginable to the kindness and gentleness she expresses to those around her. After years of silence and fearing rejection from others, Sasha got engaged to the love of her life, Megan Watling, in December 2019.*

When Sasha and Megan broke their silence about their six-year-long relationship and publicly announced their engagement, the couple was pleasantly surprised by the positive and supportive responses they received. The couple’s “engagement high” came to an end after Beloftebos Wedding Venue in Stanford rejected Sasha’s inquiry and stated they would not host the wedding due to the venue’s personal and religious beliefs and the couples sexual orientation.

 

Social media stir 

While processing what had happened, Sasha and Megan took to their private Facebook pages to create awareness about Beloftebos’ policies so other same-sex couples would not have to experience the same discrimination. The posts soon went viral and sparked an online debate, as people with opposing views shared their opinion about the rights of business owners on hosting same-sex couples. 

Although Sasha knew her and Megan’s statements would shed light on the issue, she did not anticipate the significant traction the posts would receive or the backlash her and Megan would be presented with online. Having her relationship with Megan visible all over the media was a stark contrast to the privacy the couple maintained throughout their six-year relationship. 

“I think these people that write these articles and make these posts don’t know that there is another person on the end of it,” says Sasha when asked about the social media stir surrounding their story. “Megs and I are more than happy to shoulder that for the people who are not in a position to shoulder it, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult.”

 

Sasha recalls how difficult it was to see the nation so divided on issues of same-sex marriage and religion, especially when she and Megan were the subject of their debate. 

“I think it does go to your head. It’s impossible to ignore it. Especially when you’re quite empathetic and you’re someone who feels things so deeply,” Sasha says. “You try and understand why they would say things like that, but I can’t understand it.” 

Despite the hurtful content circulating online, Sasha is committed to not letting the hateful comments deter her or Megan from believing in what they are doing. 

“I hate that other queer people have to see the comments we get because I would run in the opposite direction. It’s upsetting to me, but it’s more upsetting that it’s out there. I try not to get too involved, but I’m scared for others,” said Sasha. 

Although the negative comments were difficult to ignore, Sasha received many messages of support following her initial Facebook post about Beloftebos.  One of the standout messages was from a middle-aged woman who told Sasha that she had not had the courage to come out to her family yet. Since reading Sasha’s story, she was inspired to start the process by telling her daughters. 

Legal action 

The couple was approached by legal counsel following the extensive media coverage their story had created and have since decided to take legal action against Beloftebos. This was a project that the couple knew they had to embark on to take a stand against the unfair discrimination faced by the queer community. The South African Human Rights Commission (SAHRC) have since launched an application against Beloftebos to the Equality Court after receiving several complaints about the venue. 

Moreover, Sasha and Megan were also particularly motivated to pursue legal action after learning that Beloftebos had turned away a same-sex couple in 2017. Sasha is known in her circles as an activist for human rights, so taking on Beloftebos was something she knew she had to do, especially for the individuals who are not able to take on the fight. 

“We knew straight away that there was no way we [couldn’t] do anything about it because it was so much bigger than us or the wedding venue. Otherwise, it just continues and it breaks my heart to know that there are other people out there that are going through the same thing.”

Breaking her silence 

For Sasha, an integral part of taking a stand against Beloftebos is refusing to stay silent in the face of discrimination. 

“People want you to think the fight for equal rights has been fought and won. And it’s the same with women’s rights: That fight hasn’t been fought and won. But anyone who tells you that, wants you to be complacent and submissive,” she adds. “I have spent so many years silencing myself for the sake of others, and I’m just not going to do it anymore.” 

Sasha always comes back to the quote: “If not us, then who? And if not now, when?” This, coupled with kindness and tolerance, has been her guiding principles. 

“Silencing myself, for so long, hasn’t made the world a better place. What happens to people who are worse off and can’t speak up? We have to start somewhere and that’s where my desire and strength comes from,” she adds. 

The beginnings of Same Love 

Many people were upset about how Beloftebos had treated the couple and had been in touch to find out how they could help. It was after the flood of messages that Sasha and Megan decided to start their campaign, Same Love.

“What Same Love stands for, is that no business owner or person should be able to unfairly discriminate against others, specifically based on sexual and gender orientation,” said Sasha. 

One of Same Love’s central goals is to ensure that prejudice and unfair discrimination do not go unchallenged. Therefore, Sasha wants Same Love to hold businesses accountable and encourage them to take a stand against homophobia. 

“We want to have businesses signing pledges so that people know where LGBTQ+ safe spaces are, because a lot of people are afraid,” Sasha says. “I shouldn’t have to research and know which spaces are safe, but I have learnt the hard way. So we want businesses to come out themselves and actually take a stand.” 

Lack of representation

In time, Sasha would like Same Love to become a platform to start a conversation about both the visible and invisible forms of discrimination the queer community experiences on a daily basis. Sasha adds that this is particularly an issue evident in the general lack of queer representation within popular culture. 

“You see all these fabulous things, like RuPaul’s Drag Race and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy which are popular. But it’s almost as if there is a palatable form of gay that seems to be accepted and anything else is ignored. People don’t really want to take a stand unless it’s the palatable kind. So what Same Love wants, is people to take a stand to validate and recognise the love shared between all same-sex couples,” said Sasha. 

The rise of conservative leaders coming into power has left Sasha fearful of existing in this world as a queer woman. However, she knows that the Same Love campaign will play a role in making this world a more hospitable and tolerant place for the future generation. 

Taking the power back 

“Making this decision to take legal action was the easiest decision I have ever made. We want to take the power back and do what we can to make the world a better place, even if it’s a tiny thing. We have so little control over what’s going on, but we can fight this,” said Sasha. 

When Sasha is not working as an educational content writer, her free time is divided between planning her wedding and doing work for the Same Love campaign. 

“Our weekends and evenings are totally dedicated to Same Love. So it ranges from interviews, compiling stuff for the case and a lot of admin-type stuff. But we wouldn’t want it any other way,” she says.

Looking towards the future

Although Sasha has a long journey ahead of her with the legal battle against Beloftebos, she is already planning and looking forward to the work Same Love will do after the case. Having majored in psychology during her undergraduate degree, Sasha is particularly interested in the mental health of LGBTQ individuals. 

Sasha reflects on her past, how far she and Megan have come and looks forward to championing the rights for same-sex couples in the future. 

“If you had told me at seventeen that this is where I would be, I think all those years of struggling makes sense,” Sasha says. “I’m so happy and proud to say that I’m choosing to unconditionally love [Megan] for the rest of my life and that we will play a part in making it a norm for other people. I’m so proud that we will be able to do that.”  

*Please note: This interview was conducted before the nationwide lockdown regulations were implemented.