She has conquered the Stellenbosch leadership arena and is making a name for herself as an up-and-coming singer. However, underlying Nopi Mubaiwa’s successes is a past of depression, anxiety and a struggle with her blackness.
Nopi Mubaiwa, just before the Sonop residence house dance PHOTO: Supplied
*“The kindest words my father ever said to me: Women like you, drown oceans.” These words by poet Rupi Kaur are tattooed on Unopachido Mubaiwa’s right forearm.
Unopachido, or Nopi as she is more commonly known, sits down at one of Meraki’s outer tables and orders a small cappuccino. Her eyeshadow shimmering noticeably in the mid-morning sunlight and her small, hooped nose ring following suit. The bustle of Ryneveld Street, almost drowning out the voice of this singer, songwriter and student leader. However, Nopi’s timid voice contradicts her strength of character, which she derived from overcoming struggles.
Finding meaning in identity
When Nopi was 15, it was evident that she struggled with her blackness. In grade 9, she wrote an essay about wanting to scrub the blackness off her skin, for a class writing assignment. At the time, she felt that she needed to find a way to assimilate or ‘be better’, by leaving a part of her identity behind. This essay incited a conversation between Nopi, her mother and her sister.
“My mom and my sister said to me, ‘Do you not want to be black?’ And I said ‘No, I don’t want to be’ and that hurt them very much. These were two strong women who were trying to make people like me realise the value of [being black],” she says.
Little did she realise at the time that the resolution of her identity crisis would help her inspire many others, over the course of her tertiary education.
A leader & a change-maker
After matriculating four years ago, Nopi pursued her undergraduate career at the Arts and Social Sciences faculty at Stellenbosch University (SU).
One of Nopi’s many achievements during her time at SU, includes becoming the first black Primaria (student residence head) in the 80-year history of Sonop Women’s Residence.
“I think it’s sad that it took 80 years for there to be a black woman who could lead the space,” says Nopi. “I think I didn’t give myself enough credit because I didn’t want to manifest all the external pressure that comes with that achievement. But that was a great accomplishment and I’m really happy that it happened.”
In becoming the first black Primaria of Sonop, although she appreciated it greatly, she understated her upcoming role. This was until she received a letter from a younger black resident of Sonop, thanking her for making young black women in their residence know that anything was possible.
“I think of Prim as a very minute thing in the bigger scheme of things. But I didn’t understand the effects that it has on other people in a positive way,” admits Nopi. “When I got the position, I realised that, for a long time my blackness was sort of a burden,” she says. However, achieving this leadership role also helped Nopi realise the powerful value of her ethnicity.
Currently, Nopi is working in a non- positional leadership role with Eendrag Men’s Residence at SU. Here she works with the House Committee of the residence, hoping to eliminate toxic masculinity and getting residents to embrace their own individuality.
“Why are we not decoding these toxic traditions [and] practices [and] this extreme masculine stance on things?” She asked. “It’s because it’s taxing and it’s emotionally too much to invest in, but something has got to give at some point.”
She has been hosting mental health talks at Eendrag and working on ideas to develop the physical, emotional and mental well- being of male residents. She feels that these topics are generally neglected, in the male residence space.
Mental health vs academics
Although Nopi assists in the mental health space on campus, she has had her fair share of struggles with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression. In grades 10 and 11, she began to suffer with her mental health. “I didn’t think I was going to make it to my matric year, but I did and I’m very proud of myself for that. As much as it took support from other people, it took me being able to lift myself out of that dark hole and actually value myself as a person,” she says.
Nopi Mubaiwa at her undergraduate graduation, where she qualified with a BA in Humanities, 2019. PHOTO: Supplied
Even the pressures of student leadership in her third year, took a toll on Nopi’s academic life, however she still managed to be selected as one of only 37 students to gain entrance into the esteemed SU Psychology Honours programme. “I think psychology is absolutely incredible… I’m enjoying it,” says Nopi. She notes that the gruelling experiences, insecurities and confusion played a big role in developing her into the person that she is today.
Family matters & so does music
Despite Nopi’s struggles with her identity and mental health at a young age, her family has played a tremendous role in her life. Nopi revealed that her family has always been there for her and has helped her through a lot. “I never put my phone on airplane mode,” says Nopi. This is because she always wants to be there for her family in times of need.
Nopi revealed proudly that her grandparents influenced her singing career. Her grandmother was in a choir that travelled nationally and internationally and her grandfather, who used to play the saxophone was obsessed with jazz music. Thus Nopi was exposed to jazz in her formative years. Their influence inspired her to write songs and sing them for her grandparents.
“Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and watch [my grandmother] in her element,” she says. Nopi wipes a tear off her face. She takes a moment to gather herself and then apologises for being emotional. She explains that her grandfather is sick at the moment. The love she has for him shines through her teary eyes.
Since 2015, Nopi has been producing music in a professional capacity. By the end of her grade 11 year, she had released her first song and her second followed in her matric year. Most recently, she performed at the Nexus Fest in Stellenbosch, as well as at the Neelsie student centre with producer, MCK.
Nopi Mubaiwa performing at the FVZS (Frederik van Zyl Slabbert) recognition ceremony, 2019 PHOTO: Supplied
According to Nopi, people don’t often understand the reasoning behind someone else’s actions. “That’s what makes music and art so much more meaningful, because a lot of the time, people aren’t doing it for themselves. People are doing it because of [their influences]. That’s the one way they’re able to connect to the people they love.”
Nopi Mubaiwa performing at the FVZS (Frederik van Zyl Slabbert) recognition ceremony, 2019 PHOTO: Supplied
Being a singer, songwriter and performer has helped Nopi make a huge mental breakthrough. Whereas, usually, she would perform with the mic close to her chest, in an anxious manner, at the aforementioned Nexus Fest in February this year, she felt more confident and liberated, as a performer.
“I just went up there and I sang and for some reason, the stiffness of my body and all my anxiety just dropped. And I just sang my heart out,” she says with a smile on her face.
What’s next for Nopi?
As her empty cappuccino mug is cleared away from the table, Nopi looks towards the future. She has succeeded in student leadership, in her career as a budding musician and in her academic life. So where to next?
Having come to terms with the person she is, dealing with her mental health struggles and taking into account her diverse campus leadership roles, Nopi feels that she can bring value to the academic field of psychology. She expressed her interest in psychology and the complexity of human nature. “I really love women empowerment and I am an advocate for mental health,” she says. She hopes to combine these passions with her love for the arts, to create a unique legacy.
“I want to complete my psychology Masters. So, the thesis would focus on toxic masculinity and masculine traditions in men’s residences and how that’s influencing student well-being.” Nopi is proud that she is able to immerse herself in a heterosexual-male- dominated environment and still make changes, as a woman of colour. “So that has taken a toll on me. But I’m really proud that I can continue to [effect change]”
Nopi’s story is one of resilience, independence and perseverance. It is a story of self- discovery and finding meaning in life, when your mental health makes life seem meaningless.
“There’s a difference between living and just existing. I don’t want to [just] exist. I want to actually, actively live,” she said.
“My blackness is finally a symbol of strength, perseverance and transformation.”
*Please note: This interview was conducted before the nationwide lockdown regulations were implemented.