Acclaimed journalist Julian Jansen grew up in a rigid household, ruled by his father. The senior journalist for Rapport had since written three books, one titled Seuns sonder pa’s. He spoke to SMF News’ Liam Voorma about finding his voice through the art of writing.
Acclaimed journalist and author Julian Jansen at his home office in Gordons Bay. PHOTO: Liam Voorma
Resentment is toxic, and so is not being able to forgive, says Julian Jansen, Rapport journalist and author of Seuns sonder pa’s.
It is a slow poison that causes you a spiritual death, says Julian. It’s a death far worse than a physical one, reckons Julian. “The thing is… you are living. I don’t want to die while I’m alive. I don’t want to spend years being dead,” he says.
I don’t want to die while I’m alive. I don’t want to spend years being dead
‘I must speak and I can speak’
Julian is the second oldest of his six siblings. Throughout his childhood, his father was the “law’’ of the house, and he and his siblings were part of the battalion.
His father, Donald Jansen, was part of the South African Coloured Corps, or SACC. This dictated the type of stern relationship he would have with his children, says Julian.
“He was very strict. I was very stubborn,” recalls Julian. Naturally, under this environment, Julian became introverted and lacked self-esteem. “When he gets home, everything changes,” he recalls.
Julian did not feel heard. To combat these feelings Julian decided to pursue teaching. He did a BA degree and a teachers diploma at the University of Western Cape (UWC). For eighteen years, he taught social sciences at underprivileged schools, providing guidance where he could. Yet, for Julian, speaking did not come easily.
Through religion, he found his voice. Today, Julian writes in a spiritual sense as his outlook on the world is far from secular. “Like the Bible says – we have to be a light. It took a lot of traumas and crises in my life to realize that I have a voice. I must speak and I can speak,” says Julian.
Feeling seen through writing
Julian became a devoted christian in 1996 and was a deacon in the Verenigende Gereformeerde Kerk, or VGK in Strand.
“The Bible states to turn the other cheek,” says Julian, adding that it was in this realm of spiritually that forgiveness came easier.
“I always saw Julian as a great thinker and very good listener. I saw him as a philosopher,” says Pastor Lester Allies of The Christian Assemblies in Sir Lowrys Pass.
At the time, Julian decided to launch a church newspaper. The goal was to share news of what went on during congregation. He called the newspaper “StrandKorrels”.
Julian had also read in the Rapport that you were able to send through essays and stand the chance of winning R350.
“At the time it wasnt a lot, but for a teacher and journalist, it was sufficient,” says Julian.
Julian sent through his first essay, titled “Die geheimenis van Kersfeers”. To his surprise, it got published. This created a shift for him. He felt seen. People wanted to hear what he had to say.
Journalist and author Julian Jansen at his home office with three of the books that he had written. PHOTO: Liam Voorma
A Christmas memory
Speaking about the title of his first essay, Julian recalls an early memory of his father.
He describes the night of 24 December back when he was his kid. He was sitting at the back of his father’s 1974 Ford Cortina station wagon. His father took him and his siblings up Sir Lowry’s Pass. They stopped alongside a dirt road and his father got out.
He remembered sitting there, waiting wide-eyed in anticipation. His father disappeared into the foliage. A few minutes went by until he began hearing the sounds of branches breaking.
“When he came out of the darkness, he came out with this big tree, similar to a pine tree,” says Julian. This is what the Jansen family used as a Christmas tree.
It was nights like these that stuck with him. When they got home, Julian and his siblings would decorate the tree with cotton and string. His mother would cook while his father played Jim Reeves in the background.
“That is how we remembered him,” he says.
The inheritance of a father
Donald Jansen left the house when Julian was 37. At the time, the sudden departure was a mystery. His mother never discussed why he had left, leaving him and his siblings in the dark.
“He was a very proud man,” says Julian. He later found out his father had lost his job and was unable to provide financially.
“I have seen the fruits of my father’s downfall because I think he couldn’t proceed,” says Julian. His father was a very successful person. He was loved by his soldiers and the community alike. He helped where there was help needed, Julian emphasises.
Even if his father was a strict man that “het die witlig uit ons gebliksem” [who beat the lights out of us] , Donald Jansen was still a “kind and softhearted person who assisted people,” he says. Julian paused for a moment after this statement. Although he had forgiven his father, the pain was not something to be forgotten.
“The things I have inherited from my father, is hard work. He has instilled a lot of values in me,” he says.
His father’s departure was not the last he saw of him. Five years went by before Julian saw his father again. He got a call from a friend saying his father was in Conradie Hospital in Pinelands. He had become a vagrant, moving from shelter to shelter.
“When we arrived, we were shocked to our core. Here lies this thin person with hollow cheeks and ghost-white hair. We did not recognize him,” says Julian.
Growing up Julian hardly received affection from his father. His father did not hold his hand nor did he exchange hugs. Julian recalled one instance when he and his father had walked along Strand beach. Here, Julian managed to hold onto his finger.
Now, as he lay in hospital, Julian was able to touch him. He gently stroked the top of his head, reminiscing on the feeling of his white curly hair. It was here where he had found forgiveness.
Forgiveness is freedom
“They say the mark of a great man is how he treats little men. That is Julian. A man of humility. This is what makes him an amazing journalist,” states Edrea du Toit, Julian’s colleague and a photographer at Rapport.
Julian would often say a crisis allows time for reflection, and for change.
Now, he understands why his father was the way he was. He knows the trauma of apartheid, and he knows that being in the army has shaped his father into the person that he was.
But throughout all the pain, there were shimmers of good. Julian chooses to remember the good: The work ethic, the care for the surrounding community, and the power words can inflict on a person.
“If you can’t forgive, you will be burdened for the rest of your life. Forgiveness is freedom,” says Julian.
Moord op Stellenbosch is the journalist Julian Jansen’s most recent book. PHOTO: Liam Voorma